This was one of those up and down, wave after wave kinds of days….
Thank you, Lord for the wonderful people who are praying for me. It is  so very encouraging, and I’m sure it’s those prayers that get me through these kinds of days.

Took a walk around the lake after “lunch.” Didn’t feel like eating much, in fact now, I can’t even remember what I had… but thought It would be good to take a walk, and headed for Lake Tye. After all, it’s close and it’s a good walk.

Good thing there were not very many people out walking around the lake today… I’m not sure what they might have thought if they saw me walking toward them. I got about half-way around and it just hit me like a great Tsunami wave… We didn’t have enough time! It all happened so fast. I’m not sure I’d want to be one of those that has to battle for months with such a thing, but…she was gone before…

She never said “Goodbye” I never got to hear her say her goodbye’s to me. Sure, we had talked, thinking we would have more time.We spent so much time battling the fevers, then it was hospital, then hospice, bang, bang, bang, one after the other. I was so busy trying just to keep her comfortable, and by that time, she was spending most of her time sleeping. The time for conversations was over.  And when she took her all too sudden turn for the worse, I told her how proud I was of her, how proud I was of the strength of her faith, of her testimony for Him. I gave her permission to leave, and be with her Jesus. On that last day, in those last few moments, I whispered in her ear that we all loved her and were there for her, and it was ok if she left. But we didn’t have enough time!

I wish now we could have had more time to talk about all those things that really matter. But we thought we had more time! And as those thoughts came flooding into my mind…I could not stop the sobbing, crying out loud… “Why did you leave me so soon?” “We didn’t have enough time!” “You never said Goodbye!””  (I’m going to  have to learn to bring Kleenex with me wherever I go now.)

And then tonight…it was a great time at the “We Love Our Kids” Community Prayer Time to pray for our schools. I loved it, but it was bitter sweet…I remember the day she came home so excited… telling me she had been walking downtown and saw this banner across Main street… “We Love Our Kids” and a prayer meeting! It was out introduction to the wonderful Church of Monroe. It just reminded me tonight that I will have all kinds of those memories…walking around the lake, driving down Main Street, looking at the mountains she loved… so many things.

I don’t have an answer for that…why didn’t we have more time? Why did it  have to happen so fast? I don’t know. I just don’t know.

And then, with wet eyes, I get in the car, and I hear the song from the Newsboys, “In The Hands of God.”  Yup, that’s it…”In the Hands of God we will fall… rest for the weary and the restless… In the hands of God we stand tall… hands that are mighty to deliver, giving us freedom.”
No, we didn’t have enough time, but tonight, I fall into the hands of God